Thursday, March 27, 2008
Don't leave the room!
hahahahahahahhahah
The Onion is amazing. I cried while I read this. The best part? "23 percent mouthed the words 'what the fuck' to others in the room as the door was closing."
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Perspective a la Starbucks
I have to admit that I love eavesdropping. Like a lot. Its an activity that goes hand in hand with people watching. I consider myself to be fairly observant and a pretty good investigator and I generally am able to find things out about people pretty quickly without even realizing it. Sometimes its actually an embarrassing and creepy thing to admit... especially when meeting people that I have already stalked extensively on facebook or otherwise. Playing dumb usually does the trick, so inside I can secretly give myself a high-5 for correctly conjecturing their sexual orientation, favorite color, preferred mode of travel, etc.
So... this evening I was in Starbucks with a chai and my portugues workbook (which I have recently become self-conscious about because someone commented that it looks like a child's coloring book), and I happen to sit near two women having a very animated conversation. Fortunately, they were not talking about their children or their children's teacher/coach/babysitter, but they were talking about the financial mess that they had to deal with during and after their divorces. One woman seemed to be a college professor of some sort whose ex-husband was a writer. As far as I could tell, they were engaged in 1999, married soon thereafter, and opened a joint checking-savings account. Between the two of them, they were making over $150k a year, but little did she know that her husband was secretly siphoning off large parts of her salary and depositing them into a regional bank account in Illinois that was in both his and her name (I think they were living in Boston at the time). They were married for about 5 years when she began finding out about the different bank accounts and some other things... I won't go into all the gory details but I believe there was a mistress for a short period of time and also some freelance writing that he published in her name for some reason...
In any case, the conversation concluded with one of the most depressing interactions I have ever heard (in real life):
Woman #1-- "... It's just so disappointing because when we met I thought he was the greatest guy in the world, that I was lucky to have him. He was my best friend and I really thought we were in it for the long haul... I thought we were soul mates."
Woman #2 (who happens to be Russian)-- *nodding enthusiastically in agreement* "Yes exactly! We call it (some word in Russian)... I don't know how to translate it."
Woman #1-- "Oh right, (derivative of Russian word), to be meant for each other... exactly."
Ok thats not verbatim, but its close. The scariest thing is that they talked about their divorces and extreme financial troubles so matter-of-factly. Like its something that is inevitable, that happens to everyone. Clearly they are both highly intelligent and independent women (the Russian lady was talking about being court mandated to split the royalties from her book with her ex), yet they were unable to avoid these catastrophic events. For awhile I've been thinking that marriage sounds like more trouble than its worth, and now I've come to see that joint bank accounts spell d-i-s-a-s-t-e-r too. Great.
One more reason to die a virgin. I'll post the full list one day, don't worry.
So... this evening I was in Starbucks with a chai and my portugues workbook (which I have recently become self-conscious about because someone commented that it looks like a child's coloring book), and I happen to sit near two women having a very animated conversation. Fortunately, they were not talking about their children or their children's teacher/coach/babysitter, but they were talking about the financial mess that they had to deal with during and after their divorces. One woman seemed to be a college professor of some sort whose ex-husband was a writer. As far as I could tell, they were engaged in 1999, married soon thereafter, and opened a joint checking-savings account. Between the two of them, they were making over $150k a year, but little did she know that her husband was secretly siphoning off large parts of her salary and depositing them into a regional bank account in Illinois that was in both his and her name (I think they were living in Boston at the time). They were married for about 5 years when she began finding out about the different bank accounts and some other things... I won't go into all the gory details but I believe there was a mistress for a short period of time and also some freelance writing that he published in her name for some reason...
In any case, the conversation concluded with one of the most depressing interactions I have ever heard (in real life):
Woman #1-- "... It's just so disappointing because when we met I thought he was the greatest guy in the world, that I was lucky to have him. He was my best friend and I really thought we were in it for the long haul... I thought we were soul mates."
Woman #2 (who happens to be Russian)-- *nodding enthusiastically in agreement* "Yes exactly! We call it (some word in Russian)... I don't know how to translate it."
Woman #1-- "Oh right, (derivative of Russian word), to be meant for each other... exactly."
Ok thats not verbatim, but its close. The scariest thing is that they talked about their divorces and extreme financial troubles so matter-of-factly. Like its something that is inevitable, that happens to everyone. Clearly they are both highly intelligent and independent women (the Russian lady was talking about being court mandated to split the royalties from her book with her ex), yet they were unable to avoid these catastrophic events. For awhile I've been thinking that marriage sounds like more trouble than its worth, and now I've come to see that joint bank accounts spell d-i-s-a-s-t-e-r too. Great.
One more reason to die a virgin. I'll post the full list one day, don't worry.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
My First Time
I wasn't sure that TV tonight was going to be worth watching, but somehow the planets aligned and Jake Gyllenhaal was on The Daily Show. Imagine my surprise! I'm pretty sure I squealed with glee or clapped my hands or cried or squeaked or something equally embarrassing. Fortunately, I live alone, so I'm able to act in strange and disgusting ways which are primarily done to entertain myself. You'd be surprised how funny I think I am when no one is around. Lord help me if I ever feel the need to get a webcam.
So back to Jake... He is adorable. And his sister, Maggie, is gorgeous and has a child apparently. I assume that the Gyllenhaal offspring will also be above average, physically speaking at least. I'm not entirely convinced that the family has a high intellectual threshold, as evidenced by Jake's appearance tonight. Admitedly, John Stewart is a very smart man, but he made Jake look like an idiot without even trying. All they did was bullshit about life and then talk about "Zodiac", which Jake stars in, but has little knowledge of as a real-life subject. Ok then... Good times.
And it appears that the littlest Gyllenhaal girl is named Ramona, according to Baby Celebrity Names Blog. I don't want to get too excited about this, but Ramona was my Spanish name in high school (like in Spanish class... I liked rolling the R) and also the name of one of my favorite literary heroines of all time: Ramona Quimby. Well done, Maggie & Peter Saarsgard. I give you my blessing and you may keep the child.
So back to Jake... He is adorable. And his sister, Maggie, is gorgeous and has a child apparently. I assume that the Gyllenhaal offspring will also be above average, physically speaking at least. I'm not entirely convinced that the family has a high intellectual threshold, as evidenced by Jake's appearance tonight. Admitedly, John Stewart is a very smart man, but he made Jake look like an idiot without even trying. All they did was bullshit about life and then talk about "Zodiac", which Jake stars in, but has little knowledge of as a real-life subject. Ok then... Good times.
And it appears that the littlest Gyllenhaal girl is named Ramona, according to Baby Celebrity Names Blog. I don't want to get too excited about this, but Ramona was my Spanish name in high school (like in Spanish class... I liked rolling the R) and also the name of one of my favorite literary heroines of all time: Ramona Quimby. Well done, Maggie & Peter Saarsgard. I give you my blessing and you may keep the child.
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