Those Cashews

Dear Girlfriend,

Why did you accuse me of eating all the cashews? I don't even know where that came from. You were quietly watching a football game or that show about lying where they read criminals faces or whatever, and then you said, "Hun! Why did you eat all the cashews?"

First of all, I finished them yesterday and you just noticed 3 minutes ago. I think the statute of limitation for being mad about me finishing a food item is like a couple hours. Not twenty-four.

Secondly, there were only a few little pieces of cashews left in the can. Ok, that is a lie. There were enough nuts to cover the bottom. Still. Like a sixth of the package!

Thirdly, eating one-sixth of the cashews does not constitute "eating all of the cashews." Not in this country or in any other. Not at 9pm, not at 6am. Let's be consistent here.

I'm sorry I finished the cashews, but you're just mad because you like them and you bought them when you went to the dollar store when you were sick. (Also, I want to make fun of you for choosing to go to the dollar store on your one outing when you were sick, but it seems cruel. Maybe in a few more days.)

Maybe next time I go somewhere and I see cashews and I remember that you like them, I will buy them for you. Promise.

Love, Chloe